Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
