ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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