i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
