how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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