She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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