Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
