There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
