Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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