Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
