please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
