I understand Curling. That high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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