I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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