good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
