Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
