U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
