Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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