Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
