you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
