i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
