Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
