when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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