how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
