I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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