So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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