I want to stick my p in your. b.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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