According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
