Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
