Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
