Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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