u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
