He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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