Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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