My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
