wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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