ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
