i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize