doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Four minutes until I can fart!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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