were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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