OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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