Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i think i just lost a toe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
