Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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