my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize