Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize