Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
