i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
