She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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