I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
