it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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