I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
this is an emotional support booty call
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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