my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
