did you get engaged???
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
