I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize