She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
