you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
