shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
