I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
