party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
