i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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