All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
