when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
