Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
