Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
