Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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