My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize