Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
