So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
