It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
