I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
