that's an acceptable place to lick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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