Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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