help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
