Don't you send me to vm
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
